Looking for a death joke that’s dark, witty, and guaranteed to make you laugh (gently)? 💀 Humor has a way of making even the most serious topics a little lighter, and death jokes often use clever wordplay and irony to bring out unexpected chuckles. Whether you enjoy dry humor, sarcastic punchlines, or clever one-liners, this collection of funny death jokes is perfect for those who like their comedy with a twist.
Death Jokes
Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts. 💀
What do you call a dead comedian?
A punchline that killed.
Why did Death get kicked out of the party?
Because he was a real buzzkill. ☠️
Why was the ghost always calm?
Because nothing could rattle him anymore. 👻
What’s Death’s favorite type of music?
Soul. 🎶
Why did the Grim Reaper become a stand-up comic?
He wanted to slay the audience. 😎
Why did the skeleton refuse dessert?
He was already bone dry.
Why did Death apply for a desk job?
He wanted a change of pace. ⚰️
Why don’t zombies ever panic?
They’re dead inside. 🧟
What do skeletons use to text?
Bone-to-bone network. 📱
Why did the skeleton go to therapy?
He was tired of bottling everything up in his ribcage.
Why did Death enroll in cooking class?
He wanted to master grave-y. 🍲
Why don’t spirits like elevators?
They can’t handle the ups and downs. 👻
What’s Death’s favorite exercise?
Deadlifts, obviously. 🏋️
Why did the skeleton break up with his girlfriend?
She said he was too humerus. 😂
Why did the Grim Reaper bring a map?
To avoid dead ends. 🗺️
Why are cemeteries so popular?
People are just dying to get in.
Why did Death start a podcast?
He wanted to share killer stories. 🎙️
Why don’t skeletons tell secrets?
They’re too transparent.
What do you call a lazy skeleton?
Bone idle. 🦴
Why did the skeleton skip the gym?
He didn’t have the muscle for it.
Why did Death go to school?
To improve his morbid sense of humor. 😏
Why was the skeleton always invited to Halloween parties?
He brought the bare bones of fun. 🎃
Why did the Grim Reaper start gardening?
He had a natural talent for planting bodies. 🌿
Why did Death wear sunglasses?
His future was too dark. 🕶️
Why was the skeleton terrible at lying?
Everyone could see right through him.
Why did Death open a bakery?
Because he loved coffin cakes. 🍰
Why did the skeleton become a musician?
He had a bone-a-fide talent. 🎸
Why did Death bring a broom to the party?
He wanted to sweep everyone off their feet… permanently. 😅
Why did the skeleton laugh at bad jokes?
He didn’t have a funny bone, but he appreciated good structure.
Blue Screen of Death” joke
Why did the computer go to therapy?
It couldn’t get over the Blue Screen of Death. 🛋️
What’s scarier than a horror movie?
A Blue Screen of Death during a deadline. 😱
Why did the programmer scream at midnight?
The Blue Screen of Death paid a surprise visit. 👻
What’s the computer’s favorite way to break up?
“I’m sorry… it’s not you, it’s the Blue Screen.” 💔
Why did the laptop stop working mid-presentation?
It wanted to add some dramatic effect with a BSOD. 🎭
What’s a developer’s worst nightmare?
Dreaming of Blue Screens… and then waking up to one. 😅
Why did the computer join a rock band?
Because it knew how to crash the stage. 🤘
How do you make a techie cry?
Hit F5… and show a Blue Screen. 😢
Why did the Blue Screen of Death get a promotion?
It’s the best at stopping progress. 🏆
What do IT guys call the Blue Screen?
A “Not Today” screen. 😑
Why did the Blue Screen cross the monitor?
To crash on the other side.
Why do programmers hate surprises?
Because Blue Screens never RSVP. 😬
What’s a Blue Screen’s favorite music genre?
Crash metal. 🎸
Why did the computer freeze?
It saw the Blue Screen and panicked. ❄️
Why did the gamer cry?
Because the Blue Screen appeared right before the final boss. 😭🎮
Why do tech people never believe in ghosts?
Because they’ve already met the Blue Screen of Death. 👻
How did the Blue Screen break the internet?
It pressed Ctrl+Alt+Del on everyone’s productivity. 🌐
What’s a Blue Screen’s favorite party trick?
Crashing without warning. 🎉
Why did the Blue Screen get invited to every IT meeting?
Because it always stops the show.
Why did the programmer take a deep breath?
He saw a Blue Screen and knew… it’s reboot time. 😮💨
Why was the Blue Screen always so dramatic?
Because it loved unexpected exits. 🎭
What do you call a romantic Blue Screen?
A fatal attraction. 💙
Why did the computer break up with its user?
Too many Blue Screen red flags. 🚩
Why did the hacker laugh?
He triggered a Blue Screen remotely. 😈
Why do Blue Screens make terrible roommates?
They appear out of nowhere and ruin your plans. 😩
Why did the coder name his cat “BSOD”?
Because it appears at the worst times. 🐱💻
Why did the computer need a vacation?
Too many Blue Screen encounters. ✈️
What do you call a Blue Screen on a smart fridge?
Spoiled data. 🧊
Why did the Blue Screen get famous?
Because it crashes every event. 🌟
Why was the IT guy smiling at the Blue Screen?
Because for once, it wasn’t his computer. 😏
Black Death jokes
Why did the plague doctor start a podcast?
He wanted to go viral the old-fashioned way. 🎙️😷
What’s a medieval doctor’s favorite pickup line?
“You take my breath away… and maybe your own too.” 💀❤️
Why did the rat get promoted?
He was spreading ideas faster than anyone else. 🐀
How did people greet each other during the Black Death?
“Cough you later.” 👋😬
Why did the jester refuse to perform during the plague?
He didn’t want to die laughing. 🤡
What’s a plague doctor’s favorite music?
Sick beats. 🥁🎶
Why did the chicken cross the road in 1348?
To avoid the rat traffic. 🐓➡️🐀
What’s worse than the plague?
A medieval dentist. 😬
Why was the skeleton invited to the feast?
There was plenty of room at the table. ☠️🍽️
Why did the herbalist open a perfume shop?
Business was booming thanks to all those beak masks. 👃🌿
What did the monk say after sneezing?
“Bless me… seriously.” 🙏😷
Why were medieval rats so confident?
Because they owned the streets. 🐀👑
What did the Black Death say to Europe?
“I’m just here for a short plaguecation.” ✈️💀
Why did plague doctors have great poker faces?
No one could read their beaks. 😐👃
What’s a medieval doctor’s favorite movie?
Contagion, but with worse hygiene. 🎬🧼
Why did the nobleman refuse to see the doctor?
He didn’t want a beak performance. 🦩🩺
What do you call a fashionable plague doctor?
Beak chic. 😎
Why were plague doctors terrible at flirting?
“Hey baby, nice… pulse?” 😬❤️
Why did the tavern stay open during the plague?
Because business was dying anyway. 🍻💀
Why was the Black Death terrible at hide-and-seek?
It always spread itself too thin. 🤧
Why did the baker panic during the outbreak?
Too many sick rolls. 🥐😷
What’s a plague rat’s favorite game?
Infection Tag. 🐀🏃
Why did the knight wear a mask?
He didn’t want to armor his lungs. 🛡️😷
What did the town crier yell during the plague?
“Hear ye, hear ye… actually, maybe don’t.” 📢🙉
Why did medieval people love perfume?
Because it masked more than just emotions. 🌸👃
What’s a plague doctor’s least favorite hobby?
Rat racing — it’s always infectious. 🐀🏁
Why did the barber-surgeon get a raise?
He was cutting edge during tough times. ✂️🩸
Why did the nun avoid crowded churches?
She had nun of that plague life. 🙅♀️✝️
What’s a plague’s favorite dance?
The Cough-step. 💃🤧
Why did medieval towns love gossip?
Because news spread almost as fast as the plague. 🗣️🦠
Family Guy death joke
Peter: “This is worse than the time I tried to fix the toaster with a fork!”
[Cutaway: Peter gets zapped and his hair stands up like Einstein.] ⚡🍞
“This reminds me of the time Meg joined a ghost tour… as the ghost.” 👻
Stewie: “If intelligence were contagious, half this town would still be terminal.” 😈
“This party is dead… like Brian’s chances after Lois found the shredded couch.” 🛋️🐶
Peter: “At least this isn’t as bad as the time I challenged the Grim Reaper to a dance-off.” 💃☠️
“Lois, I haven’t been this scared since that haunted Roomba chased me for three hours.” 🌀🏃♂️
Stewie: “Excellent. Another fool walks into my trap. This is going to end… explosively.” 💥
“This is more dramatic than Quagmire’s CPR class for mannequins.” 🫁🤖
Peter: “Remember when I thought jumping off the roof with an umbrella would make me fly? Yeah… that didn’t end well.” ☂️⬇️
“This situation’s flatter than Joe’s tires after Peter’s ‘shortcut.’” 🚓💥
“It’s like the time Chris tried to pet a raccoon… dressed as bacon.” 🥓🦝
Death: “I’m not here for you, Peter… I’m just borrowing the Wi-Fi.” ☠️📶
Stewie: “Don’t worry, Brian. I only laced half the pudding cups with danger.” 🍮😏
“This family’s chaos could resurrect the dead… and then make them leave again.” 🧟♂️➡️
Peter: “This is worse than the time I played Twister with a medieval torture rack.” 😬
“That plan died faster than Peter’s diet on donut day.” 🍩💀
Brian: “If common sense were a life preserver, Peter would’ve drowned ages ago.” 🛟🐶
Stewie: “My evil plan is flawless. Except for the part where Peter is involved.” 😒
“This is like that time Cleveland tried to skydive without a parachute… to ‘save money.’” 🪂😱
“I haven’t seen something crash this badly since Peter tried to pilot a hot air balloon.” 🎈🔥
Lois: “Peter, last time you said ‘trust me,’ we ended up on a pirate ship with Death as the captain.” 🏴☠️☠️
“Meg’s social life has seen more near-death experiences than a horror movie extra.” 😬🎬
Peter: “I’m not scared, Lois. I’ve wrestled worse… like that time with the lawnmower.” 🌿🌀
“That idea just died… like Peter’s dignity at karaoke night.” 🎤💀
Stewie: “Nothing says ‘family bonding’ like a mildly catastrophic explosion.” 💣👨👩👧👦
“Quagmire’s last date ended faster than Peter’s brain cells during a magic trick.” 🪄😵
“Remember when Death showed up just to say, ‘Not yet — I’m just here for the chips.’” ☠️🥔
Peter: “This can’t be worse than that time I joined a mime gang… oh wait, yeah it can.” 🤐👊
“That plan went down faster than Peter on roller skates in the rain.” 🛼🌧️
Stewie: “And just like that… another brilliant idea meets its glorious demise.” 🕯️😈
Ego Death Jokes
Why did the ego cross the road?
To dissolve into pure consciousness halfway. 🛤️🌌
My ego walked into a bar… and immediately realized it was the bar. 🍸🌀
I tried meditating to kill my ego.
My ego said, “Nice try, I was meditating first.” 🧘♂️😏
Ego death is fun until your Wi-Fi cuts out and your ego logs back in. 📶💀
My ego had a near-death experience.
Now it just floats around giving unsolicited advice. 👻🗣️
Why don’t egos ever get invited to parties?
Because they always make everything about themselves. 🎉🙄
My therapist said I needed to “let go of my ego.”
I asked, “But then… who’s asking the question?” 🤔🌀
Ego death feels like deleting all your apps… but realizing you were the phone. 📱✨
Why did the ego go to therapy?
To work on its control issues — but it tried to run the session. 🛋️😬
My ego tried to fake its death for attention.
Classic. 🙄⚰️
Ego death is like hitting Ctrl+Alt+Delete on your personality. 💻🔄
My ego joined a support group.
It spent the whole time introducing me. 😅
Why did the ego refuse to meditate?
It didn’t want to sit quietly and lose its spotlight. 🧠🎭
I experienced ego death… then my ego posted about it on Instagram. 🤳🧘♀️
Ego death: because sometimes enlightenment needs a dramatic plot twist. 🌟📖
My ego asked if ego death comes with snacks. 🍿
Why was the ego terrible at hide and seek?
It couldn’t stop announcing where it was. 🙋♂️
My ego tried to reincarnate as a life coach. It’s doing great. 😎💼
Ego death is basically your brain uninstalling the “main character” app. 🧠🚫🎬
My ego didn’t die — it just took a sabbatical in Bali. 🌴☀️
Why did the ego take shrooms?
It heard there was a 2-for-1 enlightenment deal. 🍄✨
Ego death is when your inner monologue realizes it’s just background music. 🎶👁️
My ego left the building… but not before demanding applause. 👏😆
Ego death: 100% effective, until you check your DMs. 📩💥
My ego went through a breakup.
Now it’s journaling about “rebirth.” 📓🕊️
Why did the ego flunk philosophy class?
It kept raising its hand to say, “Actually, I think…” 📚🤓
Ego death is like deleting your social media — for your soul. 🌐💫
My ego died peacefully, surrounded by incense and ironic laughter. 🕯️😂
Why don’t egos like psychedelics?
They’re bad at sharing the spotlight with infinity. 🌈🌌
Ego death: when you realize you’re not the wave, you’re the entire ocean. 🌊😮
